Mad Child of Swollen Members interviewed by Mike of Animal Nation

We opened a show for Swollen Members a couple weeks ago, and had a chance to interview Mad Child afterwards. Mike asks Mad Child why he's so mad, and how to make it in America, and tells them that they're not big dicks, so what's with the name 'Swollen Members'?

C.R. Avery interviewed by Tall Man of Animal Nation

We interviewed C.R. Avery the other week before a show we did together in Whistler.
C.R. talks about TOFU, Mighty Mike, how he would eat neapolitan without a spoon, and about how the sky isn't always blue.

Sweatshop Union interview by Tall Man

Here's an interview we did with Colin and Mo of Sweatshop Union at Moe Joe's after sound check for our show we did together a couple weeks ago.
We asked them about their new album, The Bill Murray EP, what their favourite Murray movie is, and what their favourite food is.
Check it out.



Peace,
-Tall Man

An Interview with Abdominal

Abdominal is your favorite MC's favorite MC. He's so good technically, lyrically, and word-playically that it's amazing hes not a thousand times more known than he already is.

Check out what he has to say about pizza, Satan, and trying to impress his lady-friend.

But first, head on over to his CBC radio 3 page and tune into one of his jams.

Animal Nation: Do you have any cats?

Abdominal: No...1 dog.

AN: How many cats does someone have to have before they're considered "a crazy cat person"?

Abs: 1

AN: Listen: It's December, 2012. The conspiracy theorists were right. There's a huge meteor the size of Canada headed straight for Canada. The Four Horsemen have arrived and they're hungover as heck and totally not looking to party. Satan shows up in your backyard, ready to destroy our planet and everything we've ever known, but he's willing to turn it all around if you can impress him with one of your songs. He's only interested in your music, and he's only got 3 minutes and 34 seconds of free time. Which Abdominal track are you going to use to blow Satan's mind?

Abs: "Heaven's Demon", which is a track off my last album ("Escape From the Pigeon Hole") that's, coincidentally enough, about me being a mercenary sent by God to destroy Satan. He probably wouldn't be too impressed but he might be scared enough to reconsider his dastardly plan.

AN: What is your favorite non-pizza pizza topping? I mean, what might we find on your favorite fantasy pizza that we might not normally discover on a Dominoes Deep Dish? (ie-perogies, Kraft Dinner, a skyfish...)

Abs: A second, slightly smaller pizza.

AN: That's amazing. What's been the strangest / most stand out recording or performing session you've experienced?

Abs: Playing in front of 10, 000 people at the Glastonbury festival in the UK was pretty stand-out.

AN: This question comes straight from our guest host and international superstar rapper extraordinaire, Ma$e...

Abs: Wuttup Ma$e.

Ma$e: If you had twenty-four hours to live just think
Where would you go?

Abs: My girlfriend's place (she might be reading this).

M: What would you do?

Abs: Make sweet, sweet love to my girlfriend.

M: Who would you screw?

Abs: See above (again, there's a 0.5% chance she might be reading this).

M: And who would you wanna notify?

Abs: Nobody really...sure they'd figure it out eventually.

M: Or would yo [sic] ass deny that yo [sic] ass about to die?

Abs: You ask some weird questions Ma$e.

AN: Seriously, Ma$e... I thought you were a preacher or some shit.... Anyway, anything else you want to mention?

Abs: Buy my new album, "Sitting Music", as soon as it drops...which will be some time before 2050. Thanks for reading... peace, Abs.

AN: No, sir. I thank you for the lack of grammatical errors in your reply!

If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our Interview with fellow Canadian hip-hopper Josh Martinez, as well as our Interview with Mike "Armadillo Slim" Armitage.

An Interview with Dan Mangan about things...

I've been doing a lot of music-based 'research' lately.
By which I mean, I've been sitting on my lumpy and unforgiving couch, eating entirely too much cold pizza, sedating myself with anything and everything I can find, and listening to non-stop CBC Radio 3. Basically I'm trying to bring out my inner Brian Wilson, without really immersing myself in the whole 'being really good at music' thing.
On a positive note, after having heard what seems like an infinite amount of new independent Canadian artists on CBC, I've found a couple I've really taken a shine too.

Dan Mangan, pictured above, while not busy sugaring random people's coffee, makes really good music, and recently became one such artist.

When I first heard his song "Sold", I thought he sounded like a sadder, lonelier Barenaked Ladies, if the Barenaked Ladies had spent their entire music careers chain-smoking, and shouting at things.
That said, Dan Mangan isn't emo. Dan Mangan doesn't write cheesy songs about having a million dollars, and Dan Mangan totally prefers puppies with heads to puppies without heads.

Make sure to click on any of the above links, or this one*, to check out Dan's song "Sold".


Animal Nation: What is your favorite thing ever out of: Puppies Without Heads, Acid Rain, or Rainbows Made of Shades of Grey?

Dan Mangan - Puppies without heads - because at one point, they were puppies WITH heads, and those are really cute.

AN: If you could be anyone, ever, for a day, out of the following people, whom would you be, and why? Rambo in the middle of fighting off 50 machine gun clad jungle warriors with no weapons other than your bare Rambo hands, The Terminator while he’s slowly being lowered into hot lava while giving a thumbs up to John Conner, or Vince from the ShamWow infomercials, before he got his tongue bit off my a hooker, but after he smoked too much crystal meth.

DM:Definitely the Terminator - because there was glory in his sacrifice to the Connor family - and because he was rad.

AN: Going to the hospital rules. It’s Universally loved. Out of the following, what is your favorite reason for being at the hospital:
a) You’ve just had your pelvis run over and broken by a drunken police officer, and it was all his fault. You’re going to cash in huge, and the only downside is that your legs have been replaced by metal rods... above the penis.
b) It’s abortion day at the old abortion mill, and they’re handing out dead fetuses, and the Food Bank is closed, and you’re hungry.
or! c) You’ve got perfect health, and you’re driving a fancy car that totally attracts millions of ladies, but you’re going to visit your girlfriend, and she’s got AIDS, and somehow you don’t have it, but she’s definitely planning on forcing sex on you when you get there, and she’s got nice boobies, and you’re not going to be able to say ‘no’.

DM: What kind of blog is this again?

AN: Captain Planet rules. He's our hero! He's going to take pollution down to zero!
But what’s the deal with 'Heart'??!
Q'est-ce que fuck?
What would the 5th element be if it were up to Dan Mangan?
Earth, fire, wind, water, and ___________?

DM: Internet.

AN: Anything else you want to talk aboot?

DM: Nah, I'm good.

AN: Perfect, 'cause I've gotta take a dump.

*All links go to the same place, so don't bother trying anything tricky, wise-guy.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our interviews with other Vancouver musicians such as Billy the Kid, Ali Milner, or Josh Martinez.

Brandon Semenuk, an Interview with Freerider Extraordinaire

I never had a younger brother growing up. I never had anyone to blame for taking the last cookie out of the cookie jar, or anyone to take the rap when Mom's fine China accidentally ended up all over the hardwood floor.
Fortunately for me, I did have a best friend, and next door neighbour, that had a younger brother.
Unfortunately for my best friend's little brother, he would be an easy target for all our teenage angst.
Fortunately for my best friend's little brother, AKA Brandon Semenuk, he grew up way tougher, stronger, and infinitely more handsome than both myself and his older brother. He also gets way more girls than us, drives around in a car worth more than my life, and gets paid to travel around the world to do what he loves.
Did I mention that he's only 17 years old?

Steige: What's your favorite thing about CrankWorx?

Brandon Semenuk: Seeing and riding with all my friends for almost 2 weeks.

S: What's your least favorite thing about CrankWorx?

BS: Big line up's!

S: What is your ultimate fantasy pizza? Extra points for putting an entire meal on a pizza. (ie - A bacon and eggs with a side of hash browns pizza)

BS: Pizza with Bacon, ham, 3 cheeses, BBQ sauce and a side of yam fries.

S: That sounds amazing. I think you should sell that one to Fat Tony's! Besides pizza money, what motivates you to launch over 40 foot gaps and land on hard packed dirt on a machine that weighs less than the computer I'm writing this on, and could easily crumple in half at any time?

BS: It's fun and I like the challenge.

S: What's going through your head right before you 360 tail-whip off said jumps?

BS: Just focusing on the trick and making sure I land it.

S: If the sky wasn't blue, what color would it be, and why?

BS: Brown 'cause the reflection of the dirt.

S: Then you could ride in the sky too! In a town full of amazing talent and 20 000 bikes that all cost more than 6 months worth of rent, what do you do to stand out?

BS: I don't really try to stand out. I just ride my bike for fun, and it's cool that my riding has stood out as much as it has.

S: Which breakfast-cereal-spokesperson/mascot/animal/monster can you relate to most? Are there any breakfast cereals you eat strictly based on whoever's on the front of the box?

BS: Tony the Tiger, 'cause I also believe practice makes perfect. But I always buy Honey Nut Cheerio's.

S: You've eaten those forever! I remember your Mom would lose her sh-- whenever she came home and we'd eaten all the Cheerio's! What's your career highlight to date?

BS: - 1st Crankworx Colorado 2008 and 2009 - 3rd Crankworx Whistler 2007 and 2008 - 1st Red Bull Rampage - 1st Claymore Challenge

S: What's the best piece of advice you can give to up and coming riders that want their own pro model seat and ultra rad car?

BS: Do what you love.

S: Perfect! 'Cause I loooove drinkin'! What's your very first memory involving biking?

BS: My brother pushing me around a grass berm in our backyard on his beat old Specialized Hard Rock.

S: I think one of my first memories of you riding is when you got your first adult size bike. It was at least a thousand sizes too big for you, and you could barely reach the pedals, and you were still keeping up to your brother and me on all the trails.
Imagine you find out that everything you've ever known, your entire life as you know it, has all been but a dream. Would you want to wake up if you didn't know what was on the other side, and if you knew you couldn't come back here?

BS: Tough call. If I could go with other people I probably would, but don't think I would do it by myself.

S: Hey! Just like that one song by that one band that wrote a bunch of songs about lots of different stuff and things!
Here's a picture of Brandon winning last week's CrankWorx in Colorado. Seventeen years old, and he's already carrying around huge bottles of champagne!
I love it!

Sebastian Hochstein and The Pillow.

Sebastian Hochstein is our friend from Germany. Sebastian Hochstein is part of the production group Nic & Jaq. Sebastian Hochstein is also very good for Animal Nation's motivation as will soon be revealed in the 5 track EP we've been working on during the last two weeks he's been hanging around in Canada!
We also went to the Aquarium yesterday!!!
Rock.

Here's a song called "The Pillow", which, surprisingly, is a song about a pillow, and will be featured on our new, as of yet untitled, EP.
(If you have any name suggestions send 'em in!)
So far we've got:
"Basti Made Me Do It"
"The Thirsty Boys"
"General Electric Brand Dishwasher Detergent Doesn't Really Do It For Me Like It Used To"




Steige: Between the cigarette burns and the red wine stains, our couch cushions have definitely seen better days. Do you prefer sleeping on the side covered in burn holes, or the side that’s permanently red-wined?

Basti: You guys should know you made me sleep on the ground right next to your washing mashine...so don’t bother me with those couch questions. I need to see my chiropracter.

S: If you died tomorrow, and believed in re-incarnation today, and were brought back to life as a cushion, which type of cushion or pillow would you be, and why? (ie-throw pillow, couch cushion, fancy decorative pillow, sleeping pillow, etc.)

B: Doesn’t really matter as long as Tyler West wouldn’t have his girl done on me!

S: Tell me about your worst couch surfing adventure? Was it because of the shoddy quality of the pillows?

B: It was that night that Reid had (way) too many wildcats and died on the sofa next to me...

Triple dolphin jump. No big deal...

S: Would you rather your sleeping pillows be gangster pillows or emo pillows? Do you prefer them hard or soft?

B: I prefer them soft, so i think it needs to be an emo pillow, eh?

S: Since you’re a vegitarian, would you prefer if I didn’t call it a cow-ch? Should I instead maybe call it a ‘squash’, or a ‘zuchini...ch’?

B: Call it falafel...ch, dude.

S: You’ve spent the last 2 weeks sleeping on the floor next to our couch. This, right now, is the first time that I’ve told you that our couch folds out into a bed. How does this make you feel?

B: See question 1), bastard!


If you enjoyed this, make sure to stay tuned for our collaboration EP between Animal Nation and Sebastian Hochstein (Nic & Jaq) coming out in a week or two! Also, make sure to check out our Interview with Nic & Jaq!!

ROBAANKS, An interview with...

Do you ever wake up in the morning with your mind stuck on a certain subject? Maybe you've just opened your eyes, and for the rest of your day you can't think of anything other than going on a vacation to Thailand. Or possibly you can't get it out of your head that, even though you already have a fully functioning bicyclette, you need a newer, lighter, faster one, with way more horns on it.
I think either that, or my extreme fascination of Rob Banks' bathroom habits, led to the questions in this interview.
Why would anyone want to know what Rob does with his toe nail clippings in the winter? Probably for the exact same reason you'd want to go to Thailand for vacation.
It's hot.

Steige: When was the last time you had a shower?

ROBAANKS: 20 minutes ago

S: Face cloth, or straight up soap to skin?

RB: Wash cloths are for girls.

S: Where do you clip your toe nails, and what do you do with them once they're no longer attached to your feet??

RB: In the winter I clip in the living room or the washroom. In the washroom they go directly into the toilet. In the living room they often go onto a plate or into a bowl and then in the garbage. In the summer I clip on my back steps and the nails stay outside.

S: Do you always wash your hands after you make pee?

RB: If I'm in a washroom, yes.

S: Okay, so I have a... friend... who has a pretty serious problem when it comes to biting my finger nails... his finger nails.... Why do you figure this is, and what's your advice for someone trying to quit?

RB: Way back when, I used to do it just 'cuz I was to lazy to clip 'em. START GROOMING THEM SHITS! Girls notice that kind of thing, and for good reason too.

S: Alright! So you've got yourself a date with the cutest girl in all of Whistler, when BAM! you realize that your underarms aren't as fresh as they should be. It's 8:45, all the stores are closed, and you're meeting your lady friend at 9pm sharp! What's your plan of action?

RB: Chill. There's tons of public washrooms all over town. Get your ass in one. Preferably one with paper toweling. If not, toilet paper will work in a pinch. Take that shirt right off, you don't want water marks on that M/F. Damp your pits, damp some folded towel, put soap on that towel, scrub pits, splash water up those pits, dry with dry towel, put your shirt back on, go get some son!

S: Easy as that! Anything else you'd like to mention? Maybe you'd like to tell us what you normally think about during the 2 minutes you spend brushing your teeth in the morning?

RB: When I'm brushing my teeth, that's my main focus. Floss, brush, mouthwash. Every day. Bad breath is THE best way to be shunned by fine females. I know for sure I am never taking no halitosis girl home. I do not care how hot she is. If the mouth smells bad.......

S: Then she's bound to not have a trust fund set up for her. I hear ya.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out other "Bank" interviews in our Interview With Feet Banks!

Also, make sure to check out the ROBAANKS' video interview with everydaywhistler.ca about why he doesn't dig pasta stir sticks.

RIGHT HERE!!!!

Carmen and Camille, an Interview with...

Carmen and Camille, much like burnt waffles, are kind of ridiculously hot. Alternatively, unlike burnt waffles, Carmen and Camille have written an album full of hits that have been featured everywhere from The Hills, to Billboard, to Elle Magazine, to my headphones, to your speakers.
That being said, when it comes to Carmen and Camille vs. a stack burnt waffles, what would you rather eat?

Steige: What are you wearing right now?

Carmen: Well the honest answer is jeans, a t-shirt and sandals but that's not very exciting now is it?

S: Skimpy lingerie and stilettos?? You dog, you! Ok ok... on a more serious note... my girlfriend likes girls, by which I mean, I’m trying to convince my girlfriend to like girls. How would Carmen and Camille go about convincing a girl that kissing other girls is fun?

Camille: I'm sure once she tried it there would be no going back. Lesbians really are the smartest people in the world.. but getting her to try it is the hard part I guess. Good luck with that.

Steige: What’s been the best or worst or craziest or most standout live show you've played so far?

Carmen: The best live show for me was probably in Egypt... we were there for a military tour and we performed outdoors for a couple hundred soldiers in the middle of nowhere at an army base. It was very surreal. And the people were so supportive, they let the soldiers stay out an extra hour after so we could sign stuff and meet people. Good times. That was also the show though that Camille kept electrocuting herself on her mic cause something wasn't grounded properly. That got fixed eventually lol.

Steige: If you were the biggest person in the world, ever, like Paul Bunyun sized, what would be the first thing you would do?

Camille: I think I would join a circus and travel the world... Being a carnie might be fun.

Steige: What about if you were the smallest person ever? Like, mouse sized.

Carmen: I would record an album with my little mouse voice which would obviously sell millions cause no ones doing that right now.

Steige: On a scale of 1 – 10, what’s your favorite number?

C & C: Definitely 2...

Steige: Anything else you’d like to mention?

C & C: Tell your girlfriend to call us ;)

Steige: Wow. Alright.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out more interviews with more really really good looking people by clicking here, here, here, here, or here.

Armadillo Slim, an interview with.

Micheal and I just finished set one of two for our "Canada Day in Ottawa" extravaganza. Our crowd was an interesting combination of people young and old, from 8-80... with no one in between. (Except Ms. C-Chord! Thank you muchly!) We've got three hours to kill before our next set, so we're going to drink drink drink our faces off, hope for some people our age to show up, and wind up blackout just in case our crowd is a gaggle of kids and sagging skin again. While these beers are going quickly down the hatch I'm also going to force Mike to answer the questions that I sent him 6 months ago.

Steige: Listen: The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, and for some reason we're all out of water, so we have no choice but to let the motherf--ker burn... You've only got time to grab one thing out of the house. What's not going down in flames?

Armadillo Slim: It's definitely the bag of weed from the kitchen drawer. But then it would just go down in flames anyways the instant I escaped my burning house after I realize that I left my girlfriend in there.

S: What's your favorite song on the new album? What was your favorite song to make? Why?

AS: I really don't have one particular favorite song on the album. There's a different favorite for different moods because of the variety of the CD.

S: What's the most annoying instrument we have?

AS: The typewriter.

S: Off the top of your head, what's been the highlight of your entire music career thus far?

AS: Probably this years main stage performance at the Telus World Ski & Snowboard Festival. Good crowd, nice weather, cold brews, and loose morals. Always a good time. But we are literally en route to Ottawa to rock a show for the Canada Day Celebrations as I write this interview. I'm scared to think about how much fun we're about to have there.

S: Hate is great. Give me a quick list of things you hate and why you hate them...

AS: Insomnia - It really cuts in to my sleeping time!
Auto-tune - Makes me hate the song or artist the instant I hear it.
Black licorice flavored anything - It makes me not be friends with my so-called taste 'buds'.
Interviews - I'd rather save my energy for funner things. And yes, I do know that 'funner' isn't a word. But I figure it's funner than saying 'more fun'. Which sounds kind of square.
The Border - I am a dual citizen and can't be denied entrance into Canada or the U.S. regardless of my situation. I am used to putting on the face at work and on stage but for some reason (don't insert reason why here) I don't like the feeling of doing something wrong when I'm not. We are about to cross the border tomorrow and I don't have a passport and we have my little brothers rental car = almost cavity searched cavities. Not cool. And I find it weird that I am answering your questions as you are reading my answers over my shoulder while we are in the same room. But hey, Happy Canada Day there bud.

S: Your shoulders pop out all the time. They've popped out right before going on stage, they've popped out while performing, they've even popped out while you've been asleep. If you had the choice would you rather a) have your shoulders magically healed and sealed so they never pop out again, or b) have the ability to morph into a veloci raptor on command, but still have bad shoulders that pop out quite frequently?

AS: I'd rather have my shoulders healed. I hear that raptors have a hard time picking up chicks and if I learned anything from Jurassic Park 1 and 2, dinosaurs are extinct.

S: Alright, you've gotta kill one, fuck one, and marry one.
a) Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears.

AS: a) I would marry, kill, and fuck all three of them, in that order, too. But if I had to choose: kill Britney, fuck Lindsay, and marry Paris.

S: b) Barbara Walters, Martha Stewart, the late Nicole Simpson. (Can't kill someone that's already dead)

AS: b) I'd bang Martha over Barbara.

S: c) Your girlfriend, your best friend, yourself.

AS: c) I'd kill my best friend (with kindness) marry my girlfriend, and fuck myself.

S: Which CD would people be most surprised to learn that you own?

AS: Sock Hop hits from the 60's. I also have almost every Barry Manilow record in my vinyl collection.

S: When are you happiest?

AS: When I'm dreaming of rainbows and unicorns and happy little people with gumdrop smiles. And the smiles are edible and taste like blueberry cream pie, so you can eat the smiles off the little people and they can't even say anything about it because their mouths are gone. That's when I'm the happiest.

S: What is the closest you've come to death?

AS: In a car accident with my friend, Reid. I was eating pizza in the back seat and when I got out of the car I thought that the pizza sauce was blood. It pretty much changed my life.

S: What song would you like played at your funeral?

AS: Soul Station, by myself.

S: Perfect.
Our second show, by the way, went amazingly, and ended with thundershowers and hale storms that decided to stop by for the last 20 seconds of our set, and left us completely soaked.
Awesome.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our Interview with ME! our Interview with an Empty Plastic Bucket, as well as an Interview DJ Dredi did with Animal Nation a while ago.

Billy the Kid, an interview with.

It's raining, it's pouring, and all the golfers are stuck indoors... which is awesome, because now I get to go run around on the golf course, and rip into my harmonica as loud as I want, and no grey-haired, trouser-wearing, collared-shirted old Slicey McHackersons are gonna get all "You keep that down, you quick-tipped little whipper-snapper!" while pumping their golf club in the air, and furling their brows, and sipping on their tumbler of scotch, and they're out living it up, and the only time I'm allowed on the golf course is when it's raining really really hard, and.. umm... here's an interview I did with Vancouver's Billy the Kid.

Billy the Kid is the first person to send us answers in the form of pictures and video, and I think you're going to think it's pretty fun. That being said, Billy is basically a nerd's wet-dream-come-to-life, and I'm pretty sure she could have sent us death threats and we would have considered them 'fun'.
Make sure to check out her myspace page NOW! to listen to her super catchy tunes, and perv on see more of her photos.

1. What’s your favorite television show theme song?



2. How does your own ‘Billy the Kid’ theme song go?

Varying degrees of the following featuring different lyrics:



3. You’ve got DIY music ethics, you’ve got the nerdy-yet-totally-hot librarian look going for you. How many thousand times a day do people ask you if you’re the newer, younger, better lookinger Lisa Loeb?



4. Which of your tattoos is your favorite? Why?



He's my lucky star. Every time something good happens, I thank my lucky star.

5. Which of your tattoos has the worst story behind it?

I got my first tattoo at 16 years old in a kitchen.

6. Who’s your favorite cat/mouse combo?



7. What’s your favorite thing ever, ever?

This guy:



8. What’s your favorite breakfast cereal? Who’s your favorite breakfast cereal mascot?




9. Anything else you’d like to mention?

http://www.billythekidonline.com ;)



If you enjoyed this, make sure to read up on other incredibly beautiful/talented people in our interviews with Paige Harley, Ali Milner, DJ Laura C-Chord, and myself.

Blair Richmond, an interview with.

FEET BANKS, an interview with.

"Hey Mike, what do I say about Feet Banks for the intro to his interview?"
"I don't know. Ask him, 'if we killed him, would we be defeating him? Or his family? Or... the World??'"
"Uhhh... alright."

Steige: “Feet Banks” are what I call my shoes. If you were a pair of shoes, what kind of shoes would you be, and why?

Feet: When I was a kid we didn’t have much money and my mom used to buy me runners from the Saan in squeamish. Real pieces of shit that were made totally from plastic and had no ankle support. All the other kids made fun of my “Saan Specials” and I blew my ankle almost every gym class. My first pair of socially acceptable shoes were black Nike hightops and 16years later I still have ‘em so I would have to say I’d be those suckers because they go well with 80’s hair metal and, if you walk the walk, will still get you laid in Kamloops, BC.

S: Hearing the word 'Saan' makes me cringe. I find people are usually either in love with, or disgusted by feet. Are you a foot fan or foe?

F: I’ve done some weird shit with feet in hot tubs but I really only love my own feet. I love them so much that when I go hiking with a heavy backpack I use those telescopic ski poles to take some of the weight of my feet. Makes me look like a euro but I don’t give a shit, it takes like a tonne off your feet over the course of a day.

S: If you had the opportunity, and you knew there were to be no repercussions, whom would you throw a shoe at, and why?

F: Candace Bergen, that actress who was in that shitty show Murphy Brown. I’ve never met her or anything but every time I see her I’d like to heave a big steel-toed workboot in her face. Also I wouldn’t mine drive-by shoe-ing everyone in Whistler that is letting greed take over their sense of community, but that would be most of the town, and they don’t have that many shoes at the Re-use-it center. Now that I think about it I’d like slap a couple of the Re-use it staff around with a pair of tap-dance shoes too, those fuckers piss me off more often than not.

S: What's the deal with sandles and socks? Why is there such a stigma surrounding the combination of the two? What do you secretly, or not so secretly, tell people you catch walking around with the sock/sandle combo?

F: Generally I am all for nonconformity but combining Sandals and socks is like walking around with a sign on your back that says “I haven’t been laid since my mom used to dress me.”
The purpose of sandals is to let your feet breath. Socks don’t allow that. Socks are prisons for your feet and your soul. Your soul and over all well being is totally linked to your feet. Foot Reflexology is not all hippy-dippy shit. I heard there are some foot masseuses that can even kill a person just by rubbing and pressing the right sequence of spots on a foot.
When I see someone with socks and sandals I mostly just laugh because their socks are gonna get extra dirty and then they’ll be the ones having to do more laundry. Doing laundry is one of the worst things ever, the stupid mundane repetitiveness of it.

S: I'm doing laundry right now! Err... How many feet tall are you?

F: 6 feet 4 inches if you use my own actual feet to measure me. My feet are only 11 inches long. Test your high school math skills out.

S: What's the gnarliest thing you've got going on with your own feet?

F: I can pull my little toenail off pretty much anytime I want and it doesn’t hurt. Also, since it is summer my feet are always dirty, I live on a farm and they just get real dirty and unless I sit down in the shower and chip away at ‘em with some sort of lava rock there is not much I can do about it.

S: What color socks do you prefer?

F: I like white socks and I like a brand new pair each time. My buddy Calder taught me that. Big bags of white socks are cheap so you just keep a bag in the drawer and grab a fresh pair whenever you want. Before the hippies start giving me shit I’d like to point out that I donate my used-once socks to charity. I also have some fancy socks for when you have to wear a suit or if you have black shoes or whatever. The fancy ones are never white.

S: Anything else you want to say? Foot or non-foot related?

F: “A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.” Mitch Hedburg said that.
“Fuck with me, I’ll put a foot in your ass.” Ice Cube said that.
“In the winter, never trust a woman with warm feet in bed, she’s probably a dude.” I said that.

S: My feet are always freezing. I think I've got bad flow.

F: Oh.

S: Yeah.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our Interview with an Empty Bucket! Or if you want to read a really really long interview, check out our Short Story Interview with Sponge Bob artist Kent Osborne!

Artist Interview w. Arne Gutmann

Arne is the man. The Gutmann. I don't really know what the heck a Gutmann is, but I assume it's Dutch or something, and probably means "Good Man", or, like, "Totally Rad Dude That Takes Killer Photos of Fat Dumps".
Probably.


Steige: Why do you take photos of your poop?

Arne: Cuz almost 20 years ago I saw one of my poops and said "I gotta photograph that! It looks like the letter ....." Since that time I have paid a little more attention to that unusual thing called "poo."

S: Do you have to practice to make your poop into shapes and letters, or is it all just left up to chance?

A: Nope, it's just like freakin' magic. I never know. It's always a fresh bowl and what happens is up to chance. I am sure diet helps a little. Steak and pizza. Yum.

S: What are the best and worst things anyone has ever said about one of your poop pictures? Has anyone ever told you that your photo looks like crap, and then ran off giggling, only to come back later and buy two? Cause I would like to think that’s what I would do. And I would definitely get a B and an X, because those seem like they would be the trickiest to make.

A: Most people chuckle, some think it is just wrong. I only remember one dude at a show and he was really ticked off, I was like sorry you don't like it, then just don't look at it. He wasn't having anything to do with it and was almost confrontational. He was also very drunk. That's what happens at art shows some times and I am prepared for that.

S: Which letters were the trickiest to make?

A: So far they have to be: r, a, h, y.

S: Can you make a ‘poop me’?

A: Hey man, I havn't even got passed the alphabet! Maybe with a special diet and a lot of practice, though I highly doubt it. Sorry. Besides, that would be the weirdest portrait ever. Period.

S: How the heck do you take a photo of your poop without getting any tiolet paper in the shot?

A: That's a very interesting question......

S: Anything else you’d like to mention? Poop or non poop related...

A: Yeah, one time I had set up 12, 4x6 black and white prints that spelled out the name of the art group I am in. It was right over the cheese and munchie platters. Some people didn't even notice, of course some people did and laughed or... Some people thought it was so funny that they themselves would step back to watch other people's reactions.
In closing, always have your camera with you, because you never know when you might need it in the most unusual way. Literally! Digital is nice for this application, though not to forget analog, ohhh sweet analog. Not burton analog but non-digital. cheers and happy shooting.

S: Awesome. Make sure to check out more of Arne Gutmann at his site boardstars.com.
Nice.

If you enjoyed this make sure to check out another photo-nerd Interview With Paige Harley, or our Interview with a Couple German Guys, Nic & Jaq!

Mike interviews a passed out guy named Dave in Elliot and Lee's house at 4am after the last show on our 2nd tour with Jiminy.

There's really nothing more I can say about the following clip that the title doesn't already cover.



This is amazing.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our Animal Nation Video Interview on Saskatoon Radio, as well as last week's Interview we Conducted with Dre Morel, which you may have missed because you were busy not doing it right.

Andreas Morel Aka Dre Morel Interview

I haven't eaten a proper meal in weeks. I don't actually think I've eaten real food in the last 48 hours. This tour we're on right now is definitely the most fun thing I've done since we did the same tour last year with the Jiminy boys, but it's turning me into a skeleton. I'm trying to write an introduction for one of the best House DJs I've ever seen (not that I'm any sort of House DJ expert), and the only thing going through my head is "food, food, food, food, food", and yet, it totally won't surprise me in the least when all I manage to eat today is a Teen Burger and Fries.
That being said, I'm glad I wrote this interview 2 weeks ago, before we left for tour, before I spent all my money on cheap booze and A&W, and before you could count my ribs through my skin, and use my hip bones and drums.
I asked Dre about ice-cream, what he would do if he was God, and what it's like to be featured in MTV's upcoming reality TV series "Peak Season", airing this fall, and he told me about tampons, mushroom trips, and something called "strawcavilla".
Awesome.

Steige: What's the grossest thing ever. Ever.

Dre: There aren't a lot of things in the world that gross me out, but there are three that stood out the most, and couldn't figure which was the worst. 1. There's this traditional meal in the Philippines called Balut. What it is: Half-hatched chicken egg. A fifteen or sixteen day old fertilized chicken egg, complete with partially formed feathers, feet, eyeballs, and blood vessels showing through the translucent skin of the chick. they eat this raw. 2. Brazilian fart porn......hilarious but gross 3. Not being sexist or discriminating at all but I'm gonna have to say tampons. WTF! It's the twentieth century. You'd think that tampon technology would move forward to something so stealth that guys would never even know about it. Yet there are commercials on every channel for every commercial break. I dunno. Just something I'm grossed out by.

S: I bet if you combined all three of those things into one bright shiny package, you could sell it for a pretty hefty price in a vending machine in Tokyo.
If I were to give you a small tub, say 1.5 L, of Neapolitan iced-cream how would you go about eating it? Would you mix the flavours? Go for a particular flavour first? ...And you have no spoon.

D: Well if you have no spoon I guess you cant really just go for one flavor 'cause it's all gonna mix eventually in your face. Unless of course you can use your hands. Then yeah, I would mix the flaves togetha. What flavor would that be called? Strawcavilla?

S: If you controlled all of everything, everywhere, all the time, what would DJ stand for, and what would you be eating right now?

D: If I controlled everything everywhere I wouldn't allow any haters or judgers in my world so DJ would be the abbreviation, and would stand for Don't Judge. Think that's cheesy? Prolly a hater! And I would be eating an ice cream i invented called "strawcavilla".

S: If God was a DJ what sort of music do you think he'd be spinning right now?

D: God would be spinning some crazy genre of music not known to anyone. This genre of music would be vitamins for your ears mixed with all the essential legends of music and sounds of planet earth.....I think.

S: Does it ever anger you that the coyote never caught the road runner?

D: Well I've seen a video of an edited version of the Coyote & Road Runner cartoon, on youtube with an obvious edited ending where the Coyote actually catches the Road Runner. The video has become viral and the Latin American press and TV media made a huge deal of it. Most of the press reports say that this is a cartoon made by an animator by request of a Japanese millionaire that was sick of never seeing the Coyote succeed. To be honest if this is true I would have to agree with the Japanese millionaire request because it would always make me insanely frustrated when I was a kid seeing this. To this day I still don't know what kids were supposed to get out of this? Violence is good? But then again, if the ongoing chase ended there would be no show.

S: If you were stuck with the Sun being permanently on, or permanently off, what would it be, and why?

D: I recently had a shroom trip and this is one question that my friends and I mingled upon. MY answer would be ON. Sun light brings light which then puts colour into perspective so then, eventually, you get a clearer perspective on EVERYTHING rather than darkness. I know it's deep but shroomers are a perceptional drug, so yeah...

S: Speaking of perception, what's the biggest difference between reality and Reality Television?

D: Simply there are no edits and delete buttons in reality.

S: Anything else you want to mention?

D: NATION OF THE ANIMALS!!!!!

S: Awesome. Make sure to catch Dre spinning anytime you're in the mood to PARTY, because partying is what he will make you do. Also make sure to watch Dre, Animal Nation, and other Whistler locals, in the upcoming MTV reality television series, "Peak Season", airing in September... I think.


If you enjoyed this interview, make sure to check out our Interview With Radio DJ Extraordinaire DJ Laura C-Chord! Or read about other Whistler localites in our interviews with Ali Milner, Paige Harley, Taka Sudo, and Myself!

Interview w. Animal Nation - Weekly Artist Interview

We spent the majority of our yesterday doing a series of radio interviews in Saskatoon to promote the upcoming release of our new album, "Understanding More About Nothing Than Anybody Ever Thought Impossible or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Music", which officially releases in 10 days!
We're doing a series of pre-release parties on our way back to BC to help promote the album as well, with Saskatoonian band Jiminy! Make sure to come party with us if you're going to be where we're going to be.... Did that make sense? I was up pretty late last night putting these videos together...

Here's clips from our radio interview at CFCR 90.5 with Jiminy's DJ - Scotty Martin (The Turntable Terror-wrist), as well as a couple on-air songs we did with a pencil/CD Case drum kit.
Rock!

Interview


Aw Man, Aw Well


Party Animals


I Never Cared (About the Troubles)


Awesome.
Make sure to check back next week as Andreas Morel (super house DJ super-star / MTV reality TV star) talks to us about ice cream, road runners and coyotes, and what he would do if he was God.

Thanks,
-Steige.


If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our Interview With an Empty Bucket, as well as our Interview with our favorite Saskonites - Jiminy!!

Interview of the Week w/ KENT OSBORNE!!!!

Ohhh man! This is definitely the longest interview we've ever pulled. Hopefully you didn't take too many bong rips before reading this... orrr, maybe, hopefully you did...
This week we spoke to Hollywood Super (cool guy/) Star (in our eyes) Kent Osborne! Kent Osborne has a ridiculous resume, including writing for the Sponge Bob Square Pants television show and movie, voicing for the Kung-Fu Panda movie, dating Armadillo Slim's sister, and as of recently, drawing the cartoon adventures of Mike and myself for the insert of our new CD, "Understanding More About Nothing Than Anybody Ever Thought Impossible or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Music"!


Steige: Listen: You're bored. You smoke a little weed, and you start to get paranoid. Based on the fact that she never looks at you when you cross paths, you get it into your head that the cute brunette that lives down the street is actually a Russian Spy, so you do the only logical thing and break into her house while she's out. You know she's got nukes hidden in there somewhere, and you're determined to find them, diffuse them, and become a National Hero to the point where they change the name of the city you live in, LA, to something a little more appropriate, like Kentville.
So you find yourself in your cute Russian neighbour's house, trying to find nukes in her underwear drawer, (where else would she possible keep them hidden?!) when you come upon an old bronze bottle-lamp. You instinctively give it a rub, hoping Christina Aguilaria pops out and grants you three wishes, but instead the Cops show up with guns drawn.
How the heck do you talk yourself out of this one?

KENT OSBORNE: I slowly put the old bronze bottle-lamp down on the floor and then I slowly put my hands on my head. Then I slowly put them on my hips and say, "Do you know who I am?" the cops all look at each other. One of them, (their leader) says, "No, and we don't care." Then one of the other cops sort of coughs (not a real cough, but like a fake one, to get the leader cop's attention) the leader cop sighs and says, "What? What is it? I'm trying to bust this guy." the other cop shrugs and says that he's sort of curious who I am. The other cops halfheartedly mumble the same thing and leader cop says, "Fine, fine, so who are you-- ....HEY!" (I have escaped) Running down the street, I know I can't go home so I make a quick left turn on Glendale (which leads straight to downtown Kentville) and I pop into my favorite Thai massage parlour (Pho Siam - 40 bucks U.S for one hour. No happy endings) The people behind the counter all say something in Thai, (probably "welcome loyal customer" or something...) I explain that I am not there for a massage but would it be ok to hide out for a while? They all discuss this in their own language for about 20 minutes. Finally one of them says, "no." so i say, "Well ok, is Sonja here?" they tell me it is her day off and I ask if I can wait so they tell me to have a seat. I sit in a chair and read US weekly (Christina Aguilaria is on the cover! weird!) two cop cars go by and I duck behind the magazine. A young Hollywood couple enter the establishment and do a double-take because the way I'm holding the magazine, I look like I'M Cristina Aguilara. "Wow, her face is pretty, but her body looks like shit!" the guy whispers to his ladyfriend. "Her boobs are bigger though" says the woman. "I can hear you!" I say. I lower the magazine and we all have a good laugh!



Steige: Then you get arrested.
After your incarceration you meet an inmate named Tiny, who is anything but Tiny. You think this is kind of funny and ironic until Tiny tells you that he thinks you've got a 'purdy mouth'. Tiny thinks you're cute, and Tiny let's you know this constantly. Tiny keeps whispering to you that he's going to make you a very happy man as soon as night falls, as soon as the guards have all gone to sleep. You disagree. You tell Tiny that you're perfectly content, and that you don't want his happiness forced on you. You tell this to Tiny, but Tiny simply winks and tells you to "just go with it".
Night falls. You're literally sleeping with your ass to the wall. Tiny comes over, real slow like, and puts his hand on your shoulder. You start to cry tears of fear and abandonment, and Tiny tells you that "everything will be all right soon, Kent. Don't you worry about a thing."
Tiny proceeds to tell you that he's actually a magic genie, once trapped in an old bronze bottle-lamp that made its way here from Russia, in the suitcase of a cute brunette Russian Spy who proceeded to have him arrested for trespassing after he had granted her her 3 wishes.
Tiny then tells you that since you're his new BFF he's going to grant you 3 wishes as well. Provided that none of your wishes are to have infinite wishes, what 3 things do you want more than anything else in the world?

KENT OSBORNE: Wait? I was incarcerated? Fuck! I thought I talked my way out of it. Oh well, at least I got fucked by a genie. Let's see, three things.... 1. Health care for the rest of my life. 2. The power to make any woman fall in love with me 3. A house with a pool. (and a hot tub) (is that two things?)

Steige: Something clicks in your head as you realize that Tiny came from the same lamp you were rubbing earlier when you got arrested, and everything suddenly fits together. YOU'RE actually Tiny, the Russian genie, and Kent is just another character you've invented. "That's cool" you think. "I like being able to be different characters in my comic-strip-called-life while actually being a Russian genie!"
...I guess my question is, when you're not busy being Kent Osborne, super cartoonist extraordinaire, who do you spend your time being?

KENT OSBORNE: I spend my time being...the Russian genie? Wait, i don't understand, who am I? Who do I spend my time being when I'm not Kent Osborne? I'm the Russian genie. right? wait, is this one of those "there are no wrong answers" deal? (Fuck a duck I'm high) Ok, well, when I'm not making comics.... I like.... to go bowling. I like walking around my neighborhood. I like going to the movie theaters that don't show ads, I like wine tastings. I like smoking pot, and listening to music. I like reading Kelsey Grammer's autobiography, 'SO FAR...'. I like watching free porn on the internet, (no boxes to hide!) I like going to places I've never been.

Steige: Okay, you're out of jail.
You're walking down the street to your local liquor store to grab yourself a bottle of their finest Malt Liquor as a little celebration of your freedom, and as all these new thoughts and realizations are fluttering around in your head, you realize that The Simpsons is actually a creation of yours, and that you've actually written every episode for it, ever. Since you invented it, what character would you say you modeled after yourself?

KENT OSBORNE: Moe.

5. In your autobiographical comic book "The Day is Today!" you took all your Simpsons action figures out of their original packaging. Did you actually do this in real life? If not, does (Riley?)(your nephew) get pissed that he's not allowed to play with your 'toys'? How often do you dust the packages? Do girls think it's cool? I bet that s--t makes panties drop like nobody's business...

KENT OSBORNE: I don't think there's ever been any woman who has looked at my collection and dropped her panties, but my friend Lynn was so impressed that she invited HER friend GEORGE MEYER (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Meyer) to come and look at them. I got very nervous having George Meyer in my apartment. He noticed my HARDLY WORKING poster (http://www.cinemasterpieces.com/hardlyworking1sh.jpg) and we talked about bad movies for a bit. He mentioned that he'd never seen TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET and I freaked out and foisted a copy on him. He politely tried to refuse, saying he's bad at returning things and I said, "No no George, that's for you! That's a gift!" Then we talked some more, and finally Lynn said "We should go." and George said, "Yes, we're laughing our lives away." I walked them to the car and told George that meeting him was the highlight of my life, but I don't think he heard me because the windows were rolled up and he was driving away. As for taking the figures out of their packaging, I did actually do this in real life. The conversation with my friend Jenny (where she uses the collection as an example of my obsessive personality) happened as well, but I didn't open them spontaneously like I do in the comic. Before I broke up with my girlfriend, she told me she felt like she lived in a toy store. I stewed over that for a while, and after we broke up, I decided to change my apartment and make it look more grown up. I was working for this guy at Disney at the time and he had all HIS toys in glass cases and I thought that looked really cool so I bought a case, removed all the figures from their packaging and ordered custom resin step risers. The part about me getting upset at my nephew for moving a figure on the wall happened too. I was like "Riley! No!" (he was two) the most ironic/hilarious thing is now that they're all in the big glass case, I still don't want people playing with them and a couple years ago Riley was over and he was looking at my collection and he said, "Uncle Kent does this door open?" and I said, "No buddy, it's locked." (It wasn't)

Steige: I need some advice as to what to eat for dinner tonight. What is Kent Osborne's favorite "takes less than 5 minutes in a microwave" thing to chow down on? What about if someone else is cooking, and they have an unlimited time limit? Is it possible to have an unlimited limit?

KENT OSBORNE: Kent Osborne doesn't actually own a microwave. Kent Osborne don't mind using the oven. 12 minutes for a frozen pizza isn't that long. Kent Osborne suggests that you should make a frozen pizza. They're always good. I like to eat everything but the crusts, then let my stomach settle a little, and then eat all the crusts. They're like tasty crackers. If someone else is cooking and they have an unlimited time limit, i would like Saltimbocca. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltimbocca) I think "unlimited time limit" is a little redundant.

Steige: Anything else you want to tell us? What would you tell somebody aspiring to be the next Kent Osborne?

KENT OSBORNE: I'd say....."Good luck, clone!"





If you enjoyed this make sure to check out our Interview With The Artist That Drew The Cover of Our New Album, Taka Sudo! Also make sure to check out the Interview With the Band We're on Tour With RIGHT NOW!!! Jiminy!

Rad.